


The Flight of Daedalus

by bora_starlight



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bullying, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Achilles Come Down (Gang of Youths), M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mutual Pining, Overworking, Post-Canon, Post-Time Skip, Song: Achilles Come Down (Gang of Youths), Suicidal Thoughts, Third Year Hinata Shouyou, Third Year Kageyama Tobio, Third Year Tsukishima Kei, Third Year Yachi Hitoka, Third Year Yamaguchi Tadashi, Underage Drinking, Yamaguchi is pretty and Tsukishima can't handle it, canon compliantish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:41:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28878150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bora_starlight/pseuds/bora_starlight
Summary: Karasuno's banner said "FLY". Tsukishima's favourite mythical genius was flying too. His whole life, Tsukishima was flying high, so high above others, looking at them from up there, thinking how lucky he was. Naturally, there came the moment when he didn't know how to continue anymore. That's how he got himself into a situation which caused him owing Yamaguchi his bare life. And he surely didn't mind."I don't want you to see it.""See what?" Yamaguchi was getting really nervous."Anything." If shadows were a sound, it would be Tsukishima's voice at that moment. Dark, cold, unwelcoming, yet hungry for someone to step in and get swallowed by it, leaving goosebumps on Yamaguchi's skin. And Yamaguchi was starting to understand.(heavily inspired by the song 'Achilles, Come Down')
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 42





	The Flight of Daedalus

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I impulsively started writing this fic (from the middle - why am I not surprised?) after I fell in love with the song and it ended up being the longest fic I've written yet. If anything feels unnatural: 1) the first half is basically re-written lyrics of the song, I tried my best; 2) I'm not an English native speaker; 3) the longer I was writing, the more I hated it, but I kept going because I refuse to fall into a slump again. 😂 It took me ages to decide what the name of this fic would be - not because I couldn't think of any, but because I had several ideas. 😆 Also I'm terrible at tagging and writing summaries... So here I am, filled with hatred for my own writing, giving you this fic anyway. Hope you enjoy! 💕

Tsukishima wasn't sure when it all began. During the middle school when he realized he'd been lied to by his brother, the person he loved the most? When he was teased for it by his classmates for some time? When he was running out of breath and all physical and mental strength during the trainings and often finished the last? When they lost to Date Tech and didn't get to the nationals as soon as the three oldest members of the team left? When they finally did get to the nationals, only to lose to the annoying twins? When he found out he didn't know what university to go to after graduating? When he realized how closed off he was all the time and didn't know how to vent all his frustrations? The combination of all these things made him... What was the word? Well, simply said, it made him feel like a complete shit.

His whole life was tiring. The only refreshing moment was when Yamaguchi was with him, talking about literally anything. Ah, yes, Yamaguchi Tadashi. His secret crush. The boy who started following him because of something he, himself, couldn't even remember. The boy who admired him for whatever reason he had. The boy whose smile was shining the brightest, whose hug felt the warmest, whose words rang in his ears the longest. The boy who he couldn't get out of his head while listening to any song. The boy who he thought of as the last thing before falling asleep and the first thing when he was waking up. The boy who somehow noticed every detail about him and always tried hard to help him with anything... He probably knew Tsukishima wasn't feeling well, but he'd never demand from him to talk about it if he didn't want to. And Tsukishima wanted to. He just had no idea how.

All days looked the same to the blond. Their last high-school summer was extremely hot (and he _hated_ when it was too hot ot too cold). The school wanted him to choose his future career. Volleyball was taking so much time and energy from him that he considered quitting, but he just couldn't let the others down, he'd learnt to like them after all. Especially the captain... He didn't know what to do with himself. He was working way too hard and his mom and brother were starting to worry about his health. He always brushed it off, saying he was fine. He wasn't, of course, he wasn't, but he would feel even worse if he allowed himself to think about anything else than his duties.

One winter night, though, half a year ago, he was home alone and decided to call Yamaguchi. They drank, maybe a bit too much. And he liked it. He didn't remember anything, he didn't worry about anything. He just knew he was alive and alone with the person he was in love with. He was too drunk to think much about what he was doing, but not enough not to remember everything he did. He clearly remembered Yamaguchi's dumb drunk smile, his loud giggles and the karaoke song he sang. He could still feel the tension in the room after the song, when Yamaguchi found him staring at him without a word, making him blush so much. He could still hear the silence between the two of them, see the stars in his eyes that couldn't look away from his own. He remembered how they both leaned forward. He could still taste the sweetness of Yamaguchi's lips, noticing how pink they were after they pulled back, see how his eyelashes fluttered and revealed his startled hazel eyes, feel their warm breaths mixing, that's how close they were. And then Yamaguchi gave him the biggest smile of all.

They'd never spoken about it, Tsukishima supposed the younger boy'd forgotten. _It's better for him not to remember,_ Tsukishima always told himself. He didn't want to lose the only person that had stuck with him through the thick and thin and who he also cared about so much.

Tsukishima started getting sick much more often. Both his body and mind were overwhelmed, he kept overworking himself - physically during the practices and mentally at school and at home. Only he knew the reason and never told anyone. What would they say to that? How would they react? They would laugh at him, calling him weak and pathetic. He didn't need more of that.

To be completely honest, he'd seen this day coming for quite some time. The day when he would be way too tired already, too lost, clueless, miserable and desperate. He wanted it all to stop. Just to pause everything for a while so he could breathe again. He was overwhelmed. But he knew it was impossible. He had to do everything now. Win all the upcoming matches, choose a university, do well on all his exams, forget about his past and how he felt about his older brother, get stronger and maybe try to finally find the courage to be a bit kinder, even if just a little. Yamaguchi would be happy if he tried... But he knew he couldn't. He wasn't strong enough to do everything. He wondered if he could do just one of those things well but he felt useless. He had no hope left. And that was the last thing that had left him. He'd always hoped for it to get better, he hoped he'd be able to find a solution, he'd hoped so much before. Hope was the only thing that had stopped him from doing this. And now that it was gone, too...

He unlocked his phone and pressed a few buttons. He didn't need to dial a full number or look for it in the contacts, it was his first contact shortcut. He didn't have to wait much, as he had expected. He'd always picked up quickly.

"Tsukki? I thought you were still in the class."

They didn't have the same last lesson, so naturally, Yamaguchi had no idea Tsukishima wasn't even present in the class.

"Are you coming to the practice?" Tsukishima went straight to the point. His voice sounded weird to Yamaguchi through the phone.

"Of course, I am coming, I am the captain," replied Yamaguchi with a small laugh, "are you there already?"

Tsukishima didn't answer.

"Tsukki?" Yamaguchi looked at his phone, the call was still ongoing. "Tsukki, are you there? Are you feeling sick? You sound a bit weird..."

"Don't come," the blond boy interrupted his best friend.

"What?"

"Don't come to the gym today. Please." Yamaguchi could feel darkness from Tsukishima's voice. _What is going on?!_ he was starting feeling a little panicky.

"Tsukki, are you okay? What's wrong? I can help you!"

"No. Please, just stay away from that place for now. Go home. I'm begging you," he said in a sad tone.

"Why?" Yamaguchi breathed out.

Tsukishima was quiet for a few seconds and then answered: "I don't want you to see it."

"See _what?"_ Yamaguchi was getting really nervous.

"Anything." If shadows were a sound, it would be Tsukishima's voice at that moment. Dark, cold, unwelcoming, yet hungry for someone to step in and get swallowed by it, leaving goosebumps on Yamaguchi's skin. And Yamaguchi was starting to understand.

"Don't move, Tsukishima," he said in a low, serious voice, grabbing his bag and rushing out of the building after everyone else, "don't you _dare_ move, you hear me?!"

No sound came from the other side. Tsukishima was just staring at the horizon, not moving, breathing slowly, not really noticing anything around him.

"Stay on the phone!" Yamaguchi basically ordered him.

"Hmm," Tsukishima hummed as an answer.

"Are you at the gym?" The younger wanted to know, running out of the school through the already empty door. When he didn't hear any response, he repeated it. "Tsukishima, are you at the gym? Answer me."

"Yes," Tsukishima's reply came out as a light scoff.

"Stay there, okay?" Yamaguchi told him a bit calmer.

"Tadashi, plea–" he sounded desperate.

"No."

No, he was coming. No, he wanted to see him. No, he needed to know. No, he needed to stop... whatever his best friend was about to do.

He ran as fast as he could, even though it wasn't far at all. As he appeared at the door, his phone started beeping. Tsukishima hung up.

Just when he was about to walk in, he heard a sound above him. He looked up and went week at the knees.

"T-tsukki..." he whispered, looking into the golden eyes.

The other boy didn't reply and took the bottle of alcohol, he'd put down before to catch Yamaguchi's attention, again.

"H-how did you even get that into the school?" Yamaguchi sounded so worried, so... scared. This was what Tsukishima didn't want for sure.

The blond boy didn't reply again. Yamaguchi took a few steps back, so he could see his friend better. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath in and out and looked at the roof again.

"Tsukishima Kei," he started in a stern voice, "come down. Please, get off the roof, I'm begging you."

"This is why I didn't want you to come," Tsukishima explained.

"Because I'd stop you?"

"Because you'd have to live with the fact you didn't stop me from doing it _and_ with the sight of me doing it. I wanted to spare you from at least one of the things, since I can't really do anything about the first one..." Tsukishima finally spoke up.

"Stop saying bullshit!" Yamaguchi raised his voice for the first time.

"If it's scarying you, just leave," Tsukishima shrugged. He was speaking like everyday, everything he said was so nonchalant and unbothered.

"How can I leave? How could I let you do it while there are so many people that would not want you to do it? Everyone... At least some of us... love you, Kei. Maybe you can't see that, maybe we don't do much, but we really do care," Yamaguchi's voice softened.

"I don't give a shit about how much you care. I don't, Yamaguchi. At this point, I couldn't care less about everone and myself, seriously," the older let out a bitter laugh and drank a bit. Maybe he didn't notice the word _love._ Maybe he didn't understand how Yamaguchi meant it. Maybe it was the alcohol. Or maybe with Tsukishima's last piece of hope also left Yamaguchi's last hope to be accepted.

"You idiot..." Yamaguchi exhaled. "You always make fun of everyone for being inferior to you. Can't you do the same now, please? You should be aware of your worth, of everthing that's so amazing about you! Even if it's by a petty way as making fun of others... Just get off the roof, please."

Yamaguchi hated saying that way, but he knew it was true. It _was_ petty. And Tsukishima knew it, they'd discussed it several times. That's why Yamaguchi knew that reminding him of it would be a small help. He just wanted his friend to realize how strong he actually was.

"Why is it 'so amazing' if it just keeps making me more and more exhausted and depressed? What's so good about being gifted if it does the exact opposite of helping me?! What can I do with it if it won't bring me any solution, if it won't decide my journey for me like it does for Hinata or Kageyama?!" Tsukishima yelled. Those two were damn gifted in volleyball and no matter how much they tried to succeed in anything else, they came back to that sport everytime. Their future careers were decided a long time ago. But what could he do? He was gifted in too many things, but not passionate about any of them. He always kept doing his best in everything, couldn't come back to a single one.

"Why are you saying it like you were an insignificant piece of dust in your own life? You can choose your own fate, no matter what you're good at! Your life won't have any less of a worth, Kei. Choose whatever makes you happy, not what is the most convenient for the society or whatever you're thinking about..." Yamaguchi was stunned. He knew how practical his friend's mind was, but he didn't want him to rely only on it, especially if it makes him suffer like that.

"What makes me happy?" Tsukishima snorted.

"Yes," Yamaguchi didn't waver, "exactly. What's so funny about it?"

"If only you knew..." Tsukishima broke into a laugh, but it wasn't happy or genuine at all. It tasted bitter and was filled with so much sadness and desperation that Yamaguchi felt his eyes sting like they did everytime before he cried.

"Tsukishima!" he shouted at him again, eyebrowes furrowing.

"I only feel happy when I'm with you, Yamaguchi," Tsukishima looked him dead in the eye, stripping his heart.

"You make me happy, too, Tsukki," Yamaguchi let out quietly, but still loud enough for the other to hear him, returning the eye contact, "you've always had."

"I know... And what could I possibly do about that all?" the blond threw up his hands.

"Well, I don't know, maybe getting off that goddamn roof? Kei, we promised each other something back then," the younger replied, "when we were still in the middle school, after your brother... You know."

"Tadashi..." Tsukishima's voice broke.

"We'd always be together. We'd tell each other everything. We'd help each other to get through any hardships - no matter how great or small. We'd be there for each other at all costs. Nothing would separate us. Is it ringing a bell?"

Tsukishima wouldn't meet his eyes now. Yes, he obviously remembered.

"How can you jump with the promise on your mind? You'd basically wish for my death, Kei. I'd have to follow." Yamaguchi finally got to the point. "So don't you dare jump! You're stronger that that, we both know it."

Tsukishima leaned on the edge of the roof without a word. He still wanted to do it. Yamaguchi couldn't hold him back. If it was on the roof, in his room, or somewhere else, he didn't care. He wanted to disappear. He couldn't function anymore. Yamaguchi would not be able to help with that either.

"I know you hate when people praise you or try to help you, Kei. But you should learn to appreciate the effort. It's how people show they care, you know... _I_ care and I'm here right now. It's okay not to be okay. Because I'm here and you can lean on me. I'll share your pain." Yamaguchi reached out his hand. "And I know you feel buried in the despair, so deep that no light can reach you. But if you're on the very bottom, the only way is up, isn't it?"

"I don't think I've reached the ground yet, Tadashi. There's still way more place to fall. But I don't have any energy, motivation or hope left." Tsukishima admitted and averted his eyes from his shoes straight to Yamaguchi's eyes. "And I'm so tired of falling and so scared of the landing."

"It's okay, Kei, you'll be fine. You don't have to fall deeper, just take my hand," Yamaguchi suggested. It was totally normal for them to talk in metaphors like this. It was much easier to express themselves and getting help had always become a bit easier for Tsukishima if they hadn't adressed it straight.

"I... I don't want to drag you down with me. These feelings are pretty contagious if you deal with them for too long, you know..." Tsukishima sounded so broken.

"Hey," Yamaguchi started softly but steady, "I know it sounds extremely scary to you. But accepting me is the most dangerous and terrifying thing you could do, isn't it? Even more than letting yourself fall more and finally land. Maybe even more than ending it all. Taking my hand is your nightmare, I'm aware. But imagine the feeling of stopping falling, resting in mid-air and maybe even being pulled up! Wouldn't you be happy? Wouldn't you be proud of yourself for doing such a scary thing? I sure as hell would be proud of you! I promise you'll get better, Kei. Just let me help you."

Tsukishima felt his eyelashes getting wet. A tear ran down his cheek. Then another and another and before he knew it, he was openly crying. He wanted to listen to Yamaguchi, he really did. But there was something in his head... A voice? A memory? His self-hatred? He didn't know but it was burning him from the inside like a ferocious fire, cruel, merciless and deadly. It was whispering to him to forget about everyone and everything, climb up on the edge and just take the final step...

"Jesus, look at that idiot!" he heard a sudden exclamation from behind his best friend.

_Oh no. Not those people, not them..._

"Hey, Tsukishima! Do a flip!" a skinny boy laughed.

"Is this life getting too boring for you? No more interesting betrayals? No more making fun of everyone? No more calling everybody lame?" shouted another boy.

"Yeah, you'd rather kill yourself than apologize for everything you've ever done, huh?!" the skinny boy's laugh was pungent and annoying and it pierced right through the blond's ears, causing him to petrify.

"Stop it!" Yamaguchi yelled at them but they kept laughing.

"Why are you even defending him? You know him the best! You've been the closest to him for years and he doesn't even treat you right! He only thinks about himself and his achievements. He never helps anyone. He loves to be praised and then act like a humble hero, saying he _just works as hard as needed and that anyone could do it if they tried enough_. Pfft! I don't need a ruined sleep schedule and eat once a day like him just because of school!" the stronger-looking boy shook his head.

Yes, it went just like Tsukishima had thought it would. Those two had offended him since the middle school, had always tried to fight him, but all of their effort had been wasted. He'd always brushed them off, he'd always been the better person. Now... He was already tired of that. He wanted to make them 'happy' at least this one time, when they actually agreed on something.

"Nobody gives a shit, Tsukishima, seriously. Just end yourself, the world will be going on with or without your useless self. And you're obviously _hurting a lot,_ right?" the skinny one said in a mocking voice.

"You're right," Tsukishima sighed with a light smile, taking a sip from his bottle, "I'm never nice. Not even to you, Yamaguchi, and you know it. It would be better if I–"

"If what?! I told you to stop saying bullshit, Tsukishima!" Yamaguchi sounded really angry now. "You're not nice to me? Since when, you dumbass?!"

Tsukishima's eyes widened. Yamaguchi rarely spoke to him like that. But it was true, it was the green-haired boy who was the soft and nice one in their friendship. Who'd see Tsukishima as the 'better' one? Who would choose him over the beloved Yamaguchi? He was just another asshole, not better than Kageyama to Hinata sometimes. He deserved nothing, why was he even trying? He should just do it.

"Tsukishima, put the fricking bottle down!" Yamaguchi's voice brought him back to reality. "Don't listen to them, please, nothing from what they say is true. They don't know you the way we do, the way _I do_! They don't see the way you treat me when we're alone. Don't believe them, they're also one of the reasons you're up there. Don't let them have this. Don't let them hurt _me, too._ "

Tsukishima didn't move an inch. He was breathing slowly, trying to make himself think straight, follow Yamaguchi's words, think about what he was doing. It was hard, though, he was drinking because he wanted the exact opposite of those things. He wanted to feel the way he'd felt back then, when the two of them had gotten drunk together at home. He wanted to forget about everything, put all his worries and problems aside and do the thing he thought would be the best for him and everyone else.

"H-how can I not believe them if they're only saying what I think out loud? Why am I even alive, what's the point of my life if I don't even want to or know how to continue?" he let out.

"I told you, Kei. You just have to choose it yourself. There's no meaning unless you give it one. If you jumped, you'd regret it the second before hitting the ground. Kei, if you did it, you'd have no option to get better, but you still have it now. DO something with it! Take my hand, Kei!" Yamaguchi insisted. He ignored the two bastartds next to him clowning him and asking for Tsukishima's hand in marriage, telling the blond boy to jump so he could take their hands too. He hoped Tsukishima ignored them as well, but he couldn't be so sure. "Tsukki, listen to me, okay? Can't you see how much you have to give and take? You still have so much to go through, so why don't we go through it together how we promised? Why don't you fight through it like you've fought through everything else? I know you're exhausted, but you'll have me now."

Tsukishima finally put the alcohol away. He looked down at the ground and Yamaguchi wondered if he wasn't thinking something like _'If I jumped, would it hurt a lot or would it be a fast death?'_. He seriously hoped Tsukishima wasn't considering what body part to land on to make sure he'd die quickly, because with his brain and memory, he would be able to tell easily. He needed to distract him. He needed to talk to him. He needed to do something!

"Tsukki!" he shouted and his voice cracked. Tsukishima looked up. And Yamaguchi didn't know what to say anymore. He ran out of positivity and comforting words the moment his hazel eyes met the golden ones of his best friend, of his soulmate, as he believed. He had no idea how he could see it from such distance, but he did feel how completely lost and desperate Tsukishima was. Yamaguchi's eyes got watery.

"See? He's there just because he wants the attention," the skinny boy rolled his dark eyes.

"No," Yamaguchi mouthed.

"I knew it," the guy turned to Tsukishima again, "your life was becoming hella boring, so this is just fun for you. Just to feel something again, am I right? You want some drama."

"Don't listen, Tsukki," Yamaguchi begged with his eyes.

"Seriously, jumping would be a way more interesting experience than just playing around. Jump, you _lame_ asshole!" he was persuading him to do the worst. Tsukishima straightened up.

"Don't call him that... Tsukki, you mean so much to me..." Yamaguchi couldn't speak louder than a whisper, his throat was so tight from fear and from trying to stop his tears, he hated himself for not being able to do more. He was tearing up even more.

"Everyone hates you anyway, you're nothing for them, nothing will change if you just disappear, trust me."

Yamaguchi wanted to beat the ugly grin out of that sick guy's lips.

"No, don't believe them, they're..." Yamaguchi almost choked on air. "They're lying, Tsukki."

Tsukishima was looking at those two boys who'd been pain in his ass for years. He knew he shouldn't, but he believed them. Tears kept on silently leaving his eyes but he still had a pokerface on. He was so confused, he didn't even hear everything clearly because of how tipsy he was.

"You wanted to know what people thought about you, right?" the stronger boy laughed coldly and Yamaguchi had had enough.

"HE'S NEVER CARED ABOUT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE WHO'S SO IRRELEVANT TO HIM!" he yelled at the top of his lungs and the tears finally rolled down his face. All three boys looked at him with a surprise mirroring in their eyes.

"Oh, come on, Yamaguchi-kun," smirked the skinny one, "if he didn't care, why'd he listen to us? See the way he's acting now? He's obviously asking us..."

"NOBODY IS ASKING YOU ANYTHING! JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Yamaguchi was trying to control himself. He didn't want to lose it completely, he didn't want to cry so much, he still had to make Tsukishima come down from the roof.

"Tsukki," he turned to his friend, who's eyes were jumping from him and the other two.

"Woah, woah, what's the noise here about?" another voice asked from around a corner. Everyone looked around and saw Hinata and Kageyama arriving. Suddenly, they froze, realising the situation.

"You're here just for the show!" The bigger boy grinned and pointed to Tsukishima on the roof of the gym. "He's about to jump off it!"

"GET OFF THERE, TSUKISHIMA KEI!" Yamaguchi yelled.

"Oh, come on, look at yourself, you're crying so much, Yamaguchi-kun. You don't want this to be the last thing he sees, do you?" The boys laughed. "Hey, Tsukishima, listen! Can't you just finish the show already, please? I'm getting tired."

Tsukishima looked at them and he frowned a little.

"Kei! Can you hear me, Kei? Look at me, please," Yamaguchi called for him, "I'm talking to you. I'm here."

Fortunately, this time, Tsukishima kept looking at him. Yamaguchi's heart jumped. The golden eyes softened.

"Can you hear me?" he asked and Tsukishima nodded.

"Come down, will you? Can you do it for me? Get off the roof and take my hand, please," Yamaguchi asked of him, a little lighter now. He even tried to smile a bit.

And Tsukishima...

He nodded again. Yamaguchi didn't remember the last time he was so happy. He ran up the stairs to get to his friend, take his hand and never let go. He didn't remember the last time he was running so fast, either.

"Hey, you!" He heard voices behind him, but didn't look around. "What do you think you're doing?! Saying fucked up things like that?! You really wanted him to jump?! What's wrong with you?!"

 _The insane quick duo_ was growling at the two peers. They were about to scare them away, beat them up or report them to a teacher. Any of those three would do, but Yamaguchi couldn't care less at that moment. The only thing he knew was that Tsukishima had agreed to accept his help. He slammed the door open and Tsukishima turned around. Their eyes met again. The wind was playing with their clothes and Yamaguchi's hair was getting in his eyes, but he didn't mind. He didn't look away for a second.

He came a bit closer and Tsukishima followed him. Only a small step but more distant from the edge. They repeated it a few times until they were standing only a few meters away from each other, eyes never leaving the others.

"Kei," Yamaguchi whispered carefully.

"Tadashi," Tsukishima's voice was softer than ever.

"You know... You look the best when you're confident. You're so cool when you deal with life like a soldier! When you accept everything that comes... But to me, you're so _beautiful_ all the time." It seemed to Tsukishima like roses bloomed on Yamaguchi's face. _Who's the beautiful one here, Tadashi?_ he thought to himself _,_ unable to say it out loud.

When he saw his friend so close, the things he'd been thinking while talking to the two classmates came back to him. But this time, he had answers. _Yamaguchi rarely cusses and yells like a while ago. Only when he's worried. Worried about_ me _and only_ me _._ _Who's the only one who sees_ me _as the 'better' one out of the two of us? It's Yamaguchi. Who's the only one who'd choose_ me _over him? Yamaguchi, himself._ It was so clear! Tsukishima's head suddenly sobered up. He realized how much Yamaguchi cared about him. He realized how much Yamaguchi wanted him by his side. He realized how double-sided the feelings were.

"Tsukki," Yamaguchi spoke up more bravely, "you don't have to be strong all the time. You're not alone. Let's do the scariest thing together, okay? Take my hand and let me stop your fall."

Tsukishima broke into sobbs and he rushed to Yamaguchi himself. Yamaguchi's arms surrounded him in the most welcoming, excited, loving and happiest hug they'd ever shared.

"You'll be fine, Kei, I promise. You'll be confident again. You'll achieve anything you'll wish for and you'll be happy. And I'll be so proud of you for fighting through it, step by step, till the end," Yamaguchi whispered into his ear. After hearing those words, Tsukishima tightened his hug and Yamaguchi's smile grew even wider. The happiness brought tears into his eyes as well. But they weren't tears of terror and despair anymore; these were tears of genuine happiness and comfort, they felt like an exhale after long, exhausting times.

Minutes later, they walked down from the cursed roof (the forbidden bottle of alcohol was safe in Yamaguchi's bag) and found almost whole team warming up in the gym.

"Captain!" Yamaguchi heard the younger players. He greeted them, but aimed to the two adults on a bench.

"Yamaguchi! Tsukishima! Where's your sport clothes? Hurry up, you're late!" shouted coach Ukai.

"What's wrong with Tsukishima-kun?" teacher Takeda's eyebrows furrowed, when he noticed the blond boy standing at the door, looking down.

"Ahhh, he should rest for now, teacher," started Hinata from afar, seeing the situation.

"Yes, he's feeling very... not like himself," Yamaguchi decided not to say the whole truth. It wasn't his choice to talk about it and he knew Tsukishima wouldn't want them to know. It was enough that apart from Yamaguchi, Hinata and Kageyama knew as well.

"Oh? Should I help him with something?" Yachi's big eyes shone up with worry. Tsukishima, hearing the conversation, looked away. He hadn't said a word since he'd hugged his best friend.

"Actually, I want to ask you a favor," Yamaguchi's voice dropped lower as he turned to the coaches, "and this is the first and, I hope, also the last time that I ask you this much, but it's urgent. Please, let us both leave for home now."

"B-but..." it seemed the captain caught coach Ukai by surprise.

"Sure thing, Yamaguchi, we'll take care of this for you! Right, Kageyama?" Hinata shouted, making Kageyama flinch, but he nodded uneasily too.

"Well, alright, I guess," teacher Takeda was confused, as well, "just... Don't catch anything from him, okay? We don't need two sick third years before the training camp."

"Don't worry, teacher, this is not something one can catch," Yamaguchi tried to assure him, but he only confused him more.

"O-okay, then...? Stay safe!"

"Thank you so much!" Yamaguchi bowed and ran to his friend with a smile.

"Tsukishima!" Coach Ukai yelled right before they turned to leave. "Take a good care of yourself!"

Yamaguchi wanted to say he'd make sure of it, but to his pleasant surprise, there came a silent answer from Tsukishima himself: "Yes."

"Bye! Work hard!" Yamaguchi waved to his teammates and walked out after the taller one.

After walking for a while Tsukishima broke the silence with a quiet: "You didn't have to do it."

"Don't act like you're not happy now!" Yamaguchi scolded him jokingly.

"But you're the captain," Tsukishima kept looking ahead of him.

"I told them this was an exception," Yamaguchi explained.

"But the training camp is coming closer," another pointless argument from Tsukishima.

"That's enough!" The younger one commanded in a weirdly soft voice. "I'm not taking anything back or regretting anything, understood?"

"Hmm..." Tsukishima nodded with his pale lips in a small pout.

They continued in silence again, until they came into Tsukishima's house.

"We're back," the boys said, even though they knew the house was empty. It was still early.

They walked to the room they both knew so well and sat down. Yamaguchi picked the bottle out of his backpack and carefully put it on the table in front of them. Tsukishima's eyes widened a little. He looked embarrassed.

"It's half empty," Yamaguchi began.

"Or half full," Tsukishima tried to light up the mood, although he felt terrible himself. He was burnt by his friend's stare.

"It's _half emptied_ by you."

"What do you want to hear? Sorry?" Tsukishima's toungue was untying.

"I thought you weren't a fan of drinking alone." Yamaguchi's response brought a shocked expression to the blond's face.

"I... When we got drunk in winter, I... I stopped worrying. I forgot about all my problems and enjoyed my time... It was nice, not to think about it all so much," he admitted.

"You could let it out once instead of thinking about it all the time," Yamaguchi suggested.

"That's the thing... I don't know how," Tsukishima looked even more embarrassed than before.

"Just tell me anything that comes to your mind. Or write it down. Writing a diary might help."

"I can't seem to find the right words."

"You can draw then," Yamaguchi wondered.

"Come on, you know I can't draw..." Tsukishima rolled his eyes.

"That doesn't matter at all! The important thing is that you express it!" Yamaguchi's eyes were glittering. _Why is he so excited? Does he enjoy seeing me so useless?_ Tsukishima didn't get it.

"Maybe I'll start trying to write it down after all," Tsukishima sighed.

"Anything that works for you! You can use metaphors," Yamaguchi smiled.

"Okay... Now... Should we, uh, study? Since we're missing out the practice..." Tsukishima wriggled. "I can borrow you my books if you don't have yours here, since this was so... sudden... But you can go home if you want, I'm not holdi–"

"Kei, stop." Yamaguchi touched his fidgeting fingers. His hands were much softer than Tsukishima's skinny and bony ones. His voice was so soft that Tsukishima could melt in it. He looked into his eyes and Yamaguchi could see he was still on the roof; scared and ready to fall and land. "We're not here to study. We're not missing out the practice because you need to be productive somewhere else. We're here because you need to rest."

"But I have so much work! I can't do nothing, Yamaguchi!" Tsukishima's voice and eyes were getting panicky again.

"Calm down, Kei. I'm here with you, I'll help you with everything, understand?" Yamaguchi overlapped Tsukishima's hands with his and didn't dare to look away. "Just look at me and take deep breaths. Can you hear me?"

Tsukishima wanted to say yes, but nothing came out of his mouth, his voice was lost somewhere, where he couldn't find it. He just stared into the hazel eyes and tried to follow Yamaguchi's breathing.

"Can you hear me, Tsukki?" Yamaguchi repeated. "Come down to me. Get off that roof. We don't want you to land, do we? Come to me, I'm right here."

"Tadashi, I..." Tsukishima let out a whisper and broke their eye contact.

"You need to stop falling, Kei, just hold my hand and let's calm down a little. Can we try that?" Yamaguchi's voice was low, deep and felt like a warm ray of sun.

Tsukishima took his hand and Yamaguchi intertwined their fingers. He put Tsukishima's other hand on his own chest to lead his breathing. Yamaguchi's free hand cupped his friend's face and made him look at him again.

"Everything is alright, Kei, I'm here and I always will," he told him. Tsukishima saw stars shining in the hazel eyes again. And he finally understood the glow. Yamaguchi didn't enjoy seeing him useless. He liked to just be there with him. He liked to be able to hold him. He liked...

"Tadashi," he breathed out, his golden eyes showing every piece of his soul, "I'm scared. I'm so tired. I can't... I can't."

"Shhh, you're doing amazing, keep concentrating on breathing." Yamaguchi's smile was small but filled with so much adoration. "Do you see it now? The only way you'll stop falling is relaxing. Like Icarus in your favourite myth about the genius and his son, right? He was too impatient, he wanted to do everything, but he fell because he wasn't able to relax and fly calmly. You've always wanted to be like Daedalus, not his son. You need to do the right thing, the wise thing, just like the smart man did. You need to have a good rest, take small steps and stop worrying so much. You don't have to fear it, you'll have me right next to you, okay?"

Tsukishima nodded. He wanted to stop falling. He wanted to hold Yamaguchi's hand and fly high again. Like Daedalus did. Like their volleyball banner said. He wanted to be happy.

They didn't know how much time passed. Maybe twenty minutes, maybe two hours. They didn't care. All they knew was the person in front of them. So close, so intimate, so comfortable and so calm. Then the rain came. The quiet _tap-tap-tap_ of the raindrops falling on the window brought them back to the reality. Yamaguchi's hand left Tsukishima's face and Tsukishima's left Yamaguchi's chest, but the hands in their laps were still intertwined, not wanting to let go.

"How are you feeling?" Yamaguchi whispered.

Tsukishima made him wait for the reply a few seconds: "Thank you. So much."

Yamaguchi didn't need a straight answer, he could see how different his best friend looked compared to the tense figure with desperate eyes from before. He just didn't want to see him like that again.

"You have to promise me you'll stop worrying, overworking yourself and keeping everything inside," Yamaguchi insisted.

"I'll do my best," Tsukishima murmured and Yamaguchi gave him the sweetest smile.

"Then that's enough!"

It's enough if he does his best. It's enough if he tries. He doesn't have to be perfect. Tsukishima took a deep breath in and out and hoped the melting heart wouldn't flow out of his body in a form of more tears. He didn't want to cry anymore, it was tiring and even if there was only Yamaguchi in the room, it was still a bit embarrassing for him. He decided not to say anything to the sentence he wasn't hearing very often, but which also meant so much to him. _That's enough._ They sat in the silence of the house. Again. They were often together but silent and neither of them minded. It was comfortable. They didn't need words to communicate.

"Please, put that bottle away," Tsukishima sighed. He didn't want to see it anymore. Yamaguchi giggled and went to put it to the kitchen where it belonged. When he came back, Tsukishima was writing something down.

"Hey!" he frowned at the look. He'd just told him not to work!

"I'm only trying to write it all down, don't disturb me," Tsukishima grinned and Yamaguchi let out a satisfied sigh. He sat back down next to him and leaned his head on his friend's shoulder. Tsukishima didn't even flinch. That was a good sign.

Yamaguchi was listening to the raindrops and the pencil scribling words on the paper with a smile. He loved to see his childhood friend like this.

All of a sudden the scribbling stopped. Tsukishima wasn't sure how to continue. It lasted a minute, two minutes, three...

"Why would you say you're not nice to me if you kissed me so many times that night?" Yamaguchi's voice spread through the room.

Tsukishima's heart missed a beat. He didn't look up from the paper, he was sure his face was extra red according to the hot feeling he had.

"Y-you remember that?" he pushed out of himself completely shocked.

"Who wouldn't remember kissing the person they're in love with?" Yamaguchi was still smiling.

"You've never mentioned it so I thought you–" Tsukishima paused.

_Love?_

"Are you okay? You're not breathing," Yamaguchi chuckled and pulled away from the shoulder so he could see his friend better. He got a close view at Tsukishima's side profile. A very handsome side profile he'd been looking at for years and adored it. Especially when it was flushed like this. Because of him. "Tsukki?"

"You said–" Tsukishima seemed he was still processing the word.

"I said 'in love', yes, I know," he nodded.

"You mean like..." Tsukishima didn't take his eyes off the paper.

"How many meanings of that word are there, Kei?"

Tsukishima didn't see how soft Yamaguchi's smile was or how much his eyes were sparkling, but his voice was enough for him to get the hint. It was real. He hadn't imagined it, everything he'd thought he'd seen Yamaguchi do around him or _for_ him had always been true. Yes, Yamaguchi, indeed, didn't enjoy seeing him useless. He did like to just be there with him. He really did like to be able to hold him. He liked _him._

"I know they say you can't live without love, but, seriously, you can't live without air, either... You know you need oxygen, Kei, so please, breathe," Yamaguchi spoke up in a teasing tone. Tsukishima did as he told him to, not really realizing it. The only thing looping in his head was _'Yamaguchi is in love with me. Yamaguchi is in love with me. Yamaguchi is in love w-'._

Yamaguchi decided to give him some time, so he reached for the paper and quietly asked: "Can I have a look?"

Tsukishima automatically nodded, apparently still on autopilot. Yamaguchi hoped he wouldn't be mad when he came back to reality and found out he'd read the paper.

It took some time, but Yamaguchi finished reading. The older had written so much and it all seemed so tiring Yamaguchi couldn't help but admire his strength for going through it all for so long (and he probably hadn't finished writing yet). And Yamaguchi also couldn't help but pity him a little, although he knew the other boy would hate to know it.

"Tsukki, this is–" Yamaguchi was about to react to the paper with something comforting and supportive, but he was cut off by his best friend. Better said, his best friend's lips.

The sudden touch of affection caught him off guard, but he quickly snapped out of his shock, closed his eyes and put his arms around Tsukishima's neck, trying hard not to smile and ruin the moment. Tsukishima turned his whole body to face Yamaguchi and after a while he even pulled him onto his lap. Yamaguchi's legs curled around his hip and one of his hands was wandering through the blond hair.

The kiss wasn't like the last time. Back then it was shy, shallow and fast. Back then it was new and exciting. Back then it was filled with alcohol and warmth. But now... Now it was way too sober. It wasn't shy, but deep and slow. They were exploring, trying to find out and understand everything about each other. It was somehow still new to them, even though they both remembered the drunk winter kisses. But they were no longer excited, it didn't feel like fireworks or butterflies. It felt like a comfortable hug, like a loving word, like holding hands, stopping the fall and slowly flying back up.

They pulled back hesitantly, their cheeks scarlet, noses still too close, eyes gentle and full of love. Yamaguchi finally allowed himself to smile and Tsukishima followed him. The younger lowered his head and leaned it on the other's chest, feeling over the moon. Tsukishima hugged him and for the first time in his life he whispered: "I love you too."

Yamaguchi'd thought he'd cry if he ever heard those words from his friend. He didn't cry. His smile got even brighter as he hugged Tsukishima tight. He must've looked like a koala but Tsukishima obviously didn't care.

"And I owe you so much," Tsukishima continued, "even my whole life. Thank you for getting me off that roof."

"Well, I couldn't just let you jump before kissing you without alcohol circulating in my blood," Yamaguchi shrugged with a smirk.

"How selfish," Tsukishima snorted, "but thanks, 'a kiss after saving my life' will be more memorable and sound cooler than 'a kiss after getting drunk'."

They both bursted into laughter, still holding each other close.

"I wanted to honestly tell you that I love you," Yamaguchi said in a more serious tone, "that you're not alone, that you don't have to hold back, that you can be happy... I wanted you to know that."

"You knew, didn't you? This whole time," Tsukishima pulled away to look at Yamaguchi's face.

"Knew what?"

"About my struggles. You've always known everything about me; I really wouldn't be surprised if you told me you knew even before I, myself, knew I was in so much pain," Tsukishima sounded a bit annoyed by himself. The corners of Yamaguchi's lips jumped up a little.

"I did know you were feeling worse and worse, but I don't remember when it all began."

"To be honest, me neither," Tsukishima admitted, "I feel like I've been falling my entire life."

"Well, things change." Yamaguchi's honey-like smile was back on his pink lips and Tsukishima felt like it existed only to spread and make everything lighter. "Let's write it all on the paper and leave it all there. Nothing from what you write down is allowed to bother you anymore. All those memories, regrets, worries and problems, that all will flow on the paper but never back to your mind, deal?"

Tsukishima looked down for a second, Yamaguchi was too bright to look at, too beautiful. When he dared to look back up at him, he whispered: "Deal."

***

After a few weeks it was so easy for Tsukishima to follow their plan, but it had been hard for him to get into the routine.

The day after the incident was awkward; people around him changed. Hinata showed up in their classroom during the lunch break with an extra bento for Tsukishima ("I brought my own lunch. What would I do with two of them?" – "You could be a bit nicer for once and at least thank me! I even tried to shape the vegetables into cute faces!"). Of course, Hinata dragged Kageyama with him. _The King_ looked like he really didn't want to be there, but he tried to be more considerate during the practices (though the way he showed it was embarrassing for both of them _and_ everyone around). And Yamaguchi? Yamaguchi Tadashi didn't change at all. He was still there all the time and respected all Tsukishima's feelings. And he always had Tsukishima's favourite smile there for him.

After the afternoon practice Yamaguchi led him to a small store. They were holding hands the whole time and although it caused the older to blush like crazy, seeing Yamaguchi smiling and chattering about anything made him feel more at ease. At the store Yamaguchi let Tsukishima choose a notebook. Tsukishima didn't understand why his friend was making such a fuss about a simple notebook, advising him to choose one of a nice color and a good size and to make sure it'd be comfortable to write in, but he still followed all the advice. When he was about to pay for it, Yamaguchi grabbed it and, with a cute expression on his face, rushed to the counter to pay himself.

"Hey, it's mine, let me pay for it," Tsukishima frowned.

"It was my idea to buy it," Yamaguchi answered and Tsukishima didn't know how to oppose anymore.

When they walked outside, Yamaguchi handed him the plastic bag from the shop. Tsukishima took it and wanted to put it in his school backpack, when he touched something, that was _not_ the notebook he'd just chosen. His frown got even more intense. He peeked into the bag and saw that under the notebook was lying a pen he hadn't noticed Yamaguchi choosing.

"Please, tell me you didn't steal it," Tsukishima took the pen and looked up.

"Oh, come on, Tsukki, how could I?!" Yamaguchi bent over and held on his boyfriend's shoulder as he was laughing at his facial expression. When he straightened back up, he looked right into Tsukishima's eyes and caught his hand with the strawberry-patterned pen into his. "Don't worry, it's a gift from me."

"But you already bought the notebook," Tsukishima broke the eye contact. Yamaguchi reached out and brushed his fingers over the forehead under the fair hair.

"Stop frowning so much," his eyes softened, "you'll get wrinkles."

"You said I always look good to you yesterday," Tsukishima smirked.

"Tsukki!" Yamaguchi squeaked, his hand flew down into a fist and his face got pink. This time it was Tsukishima demanding an eye contact.

"I wasn't lying," Yamaguchi said with his lips in a pout, "but..."

"But?" Tsukishima tried his best to control himself after hearing Yamaguchi confirm he looked pretty. He seriously hoped he wasn't blushing, not even a bit.

"But I don't want a boyfriend with wrinkles at the age of eighteen," he returned him the grin and his eyes were smiling, even though his face was still pink.

"Don't buy me so much stuff then," Tsukishima shrugged and put the pen back into the bag.

"It's to make you feel better while writing down those ugly thoughts that bother you!" Yamaguchi claimed and continued walking next to him.

"Hmm..." Tsukishima shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants.

"If you feel that bad, you can buy us ice cream," suggested Yamaguchi.

So there they were, sitting on a bench, enjoying the cool strawberry snack in the hot evening. They'd always sat on the opposite sides of the bench, Yamaguchi'd always made sure he hadn't been invading Tsukishima's personal space. But not this time. Yamaguchi tried to sit the same way, although they still were holding hands, but Tsukishima pulled him closer. Not close enough for them to touch, but much closer than before. Yamaguchi looked at him and his eyes were glowing.

"Don't do that," Tsukishima blurted out.

"Huh? _You_ were the one to pull me closer..." confusion spread through Yamaguchi's face.

"I didn't mean... Right, it was me, sorry," Tsukishima looked away and pulled his hand out of Yamaguchi's.

"Wait, what did you mean by it then?" Yamaguchi really wanted to know. He really _needed_ to know, because he noticed the other boy's ears were red.

"Nothing, forget it."

"Hell no! I have to know!"

"Shut up, Yamaguchi..."

"Please!"

When Tsukishima saw his resistance was useless, he sighed and mumbled: "Don't look at me like that."

"L-look? Like what? I'm sorry, Tsukki..." There it was. _Sorry, Tsukki._

"With those big shiny eyes and that huge sweet smile. It's dangerous when the sun is shining on your face, it's way too bright even without the extra light," he let out, looking at his boyfriend.

"Y-you think I'm... bright?" Yamaguchi's eyes were confused, but his skin felt itchy under the surface. _Was that a compliment?_

"Of course," Tsukishima answered without much emotion, like it was obvious, "you are beautiful. And that's a fact."

The light in Yamaguchi's eyes got even brighter. His lips shaped into a pretty smile and he felt like crying. Tsukishima thought the orange sunrays looked beautiful on his skin, coloring it like honey; another sweet thing about the younger boy.

"I think you're beautiful, too," Yamaguchi whispered.

"I know, you've said that twice already," Tsukishima allowed the corners of his lips to move up.

"And I'm gonna say it a lot," Yamaguchi decided with tears in his eyes, "so much that you'll get sick of hearing it!"

"I could never get sick of you," Tsukishima laughed silently.

"If you keep that attitude, you'll end up marrying me," Yamaguchi said it like a funny warning, but the words made Tsukishima freeze. Yamaguchi giggled again, hugging him. The blond boy hugged him back with a small smile after a few seconds.

"I guess I will then."

***

"Here you can see Achilles, the great hero of ancient Greek, fully armed and ready to fight the Trojans," Tsukishima stopped his group of tourists in front of a big statue of the famous demigod. He informed them about the sculptor and the time when the statue was made. He also added a short backstory about Homer's Iliad. The only two kids of the group asked a few questions about the strong, beautiful and talented legend; of course, he was interesting for the aspiring little superheroes.

After a while they ended up in front of a huge painting. Tsukishima's eyes glittered and he tried to hide his smile while saying: "This one is my favourite from the whole museum. The Fall of Icarus."

He usually asked the group about the more popular myths, trying to make the exhibition interactive and more enjoyable. But not this one. He spoke about the craftsman and his son, about the unfortunate event and Daedalus's life after his loss. He also added things about the painting itself at the end.

"And this is the end of the tour," Tsukishima finished and the group thanked him and said goodbye. The two kids waved at him and he waved back with a small smile. After making sure they all walked out of the building, he went back to a room for the staff and sat down. It was the last group for the day, the museum was closing.

As he was drinking from his bottle, he heard the old cashier from the hall: "Ah, Tsukishima-kun! Good evening! He's in the back."

"Good evening, Nakamura-san! Thank you," Tsukishima heard and looked at the opened door without standing up. A few seconds later his favourite person appeared. The smile was as contagious as ever and even the black jacket and jeans made him look absolutely gorgeous.

"Hello, Tsukishima," Tadashi leaned on the doorframe.

"Hello, Tsukishima," Kei replied with a grin, closed the bottle and tossed it into his bag along with his tag he was wearing around the neck at work. He put on his long light brown coat and followed his husband outside with a satisfied sigh.

"Dinner?" Tadashi threw his arm around his husband's shoulders.

"With a dessert," Kei nodded.

"Let me guess," Tadashi smirked, "anything with strawberries?"

"You've always known me well..." Kei answered, laughing silently.

"How many new notes have been added to the diary today?" Tadashi's voice was soft. He always asked that question, not leaving out a single evening. He always read every word Kei had written. He'd always been a great help, always had something nice to say or do. Kei'd always appreciated him.

"One," the number came out as a whisper. An amazing message, making Tadashi's eyes shine up and Kei couldn't look away again. He adored the stars in his eyes.

"Only one? That's so amazing, Kei!" Tadashi looked like he was about to tear up.

"It is," Kei agreed, taking Tadashi's arm away from his shoulder and holding his hand instead. He pressed a quick kiss on the back of the darker-skinned palm, making his husband smile even brighter. Kei loved having that power over the smile.

After they said goodbye to the cashier, Tadashi quietly asked: "So... Is Achilles still standing tall? Daedalus still flying?"

They both turned around to see the exhibits in the room behind them. Achilles was still looking strong, beautiful and proud. Daedalus was still flying high. Kei's face seemed more peaceful than Tadashi ever remembered. He was happy. He was where he belonged. And he was with the person he belonged with.

Well, maybe ~~Yamaguchi~~ Tsukishima Tadashi actually did change after the crazy afternoon, as well. And Tsukishima Kei surely did too.


End file.
